Self Discovery

I hang from a vine long and twisting darkness surrounds me as my eyes looks towards the small circle of light above that promises a hint of escape, but I’m so tired.  Everything is weighing down on my spirit like a viper sucking out the strength and life within.  An arm reaches out to me from above hand outstreached and covered in white.  I know whose arm it is, I know He is the answer and solution to save me from this darkness, but I know there are things that will have to change if I take hold of His hand.  Change takes work and I am so very tired.  I feel as though I’ve been working for a very long time.  Working to maintain a semblance of peace around a man who I haven’t loved for a long time, working to figure out how to provide for my kids.  So I let go.  Darkness swallows me and my weak pale suffering form falls momentarily and it’s freeing.  What happens next, I’m not sure.  This is the journey I take because I’m tired, I’m weak and I want to learn what makes me happy again.

Do you ever just feel you don't know what's wrong with you, life with all it's busy demands draws you to all it's expectations.  Do the right thing, figure out this problem, etc.  Now I know my alagrory above mirrors a person rejecting Jesus, (the arm in white reaching to help), I am not going to reject Jesus, but I may be too tired at times to do everything right.  I haven't been feeding my spirit, haven't been supporting myself in the right way.  But I have hope that in the end I will get out of the darkness and I do know Christ is the ultimate way to survive all this and to come out as someone even stronger.